Well, a lot has happened since my last post. The last year of my life has been a real challenge both for myself and my family.
Its been a little over 9 months since my last Chemotherapy and it was exactly everything its cracked up to be, shitty. I recovered pretty quickly from the first treatment but it got progressively worse and by the last treatment I was left with lots of side effects for some time. The worst of which are over but some still linger…like teary eyes wherever I go. Good news is, my faith in humanity has been a little restored because strangers continually ask me if Im OK because they think I'm crying.
When I was diagnosed I was very careful to not refer to myself as ‘sick’ especially around my children, it was very important to me that they not see me like that. Well, they did see it, all of it, and even some of the worst moments. However, thanks to amazing friends and family I would say my kids kept a pretty normal life going.
My husband and I, not so much. I was not able to work through all of my treatments and he had to take a tremendous amount of days off of work to help take care of me. So, in addition to the stress of my Cancer now we are stressed about lost wages and how to pay our bills. Only, I had to focus on getting better and kicking Cancer ass so really, it was just Matthew who had to bear the burden of the stress for both of us.
Months ago, before my hair started growing back, I was at a party, a party I really did not want to attend because I got tired of going out in public and having people stare at me like I was dying. I went though, with all of the confidence I could muster. It was a kid's birthday party, a friend of my daughters from school. So it was just Ruthie and I. Let's be clear, hanging out and trying to make new ‘mom’ friends is hard anyway. If you add Cancer and a bald head to the equation it makes it even worse. Still, I put on my happy face and went for it. Somehow, sitting at a table with four other moms I thought it would break the ice if I just brought up my Cancer casually. Don't ask me how or what I said because I cant really remember, it may have just been something I blurted out because I could tell they were all wondering what was wrong with me…or at least thats how I felt. Anyway, one of the moms asked me what I thought my ‘take away’ was from going through everything I have and am still going through. I did not hesitate in answering her question.
First and probably most obvious, live everyday and don't take it for granted because you just never know what could be lurking around the corner. Second and most important for me is that I realize without a shadow of a doubt I chose to live my life and have children with an amazing human. I thought this after the birth of both my children but going through Cancer has sealed the deal. Matthew has been everything to me for a long time but this is on another level. I could not have gotten through this last year without him and he may have even surpassed how great I thought he could be. He is my rock, he is a great dad, and he thinks I'm super sexy with my kick ass, super short, barely there haircut.
Now, I have recovered from my 3rd, and final, surgery and I feel pretty great, some days are better than others. People are starting to compliment my ‘haircut’ as if it was a legit style choice. In September I started taking clients again (spread the word) and hopefully I am finding my new normal.
Here are some pics throughout my journey, thanks for taking it with me!